Sunday, October 6, 2013

On Engagement, Getting Married, and Being Married

Today is our anniversary.  It's the very first anniversary of our marriage and it's very special.  Naturally, I feel the need to reflect.

While this is our first wedded anniversary, it's also the 7th anniversary of our moving in together and essentially making ourselves into our own family.  I think we both felt pressure from each of our families to get on with it and tie the knot as each year flew by.  What took us so long?  I don't really know.  Probably there were lots of silly things that matter so little now that I don't even remember them.  I remember money was an issue for a while.  I remember government defiance was in there somewhere.  At some point we both came to the realization that none of those little things mattered.  We love each other and were committed to each other and although it was already permanent internally, getting engaged was a banner to display it.

Kevin and I made some unusual choices when it came to our wedding.  Many of them weren't even made by us because we allowed someone else to make the choices.  I'm not sure I'll ever understand the premise of Bridezillas or Say Yes to the Dress because I never grew up believing that a wedding day was quite as crucial as all that.  Growing up in a very large extended family and being the first in a generation with a wide gap preceding, I felt like I was at a wedding two or three times a year.  I probably was for all I remember.  I was also a flower girl for at least two.  Not only that, growing up Roman Catholic, every event was accompanied by a full service and having a family that attended every Sunday, as a younger child I tended to think of a wedding ceremony as just another day at church.  It's a shame too because now as an adult, I want to remember those days for how special they were for the couple and for the family including me, but the memories are since lost in the fog of familiarity of setting.

By stark contrast, Kevin and I had our ceremony in my parents' backyard.  No service, only one witness each, performed by the mayor, and the entire thing lasted only 10 minutes.  I'm glad we did what we did.  Perhaps the preparations were an even greater contrast.  I never shopped for my dress.  I gave my mother a vague idea of what I wanted and she literally found separates at Sears and that was plenty good enough for me.  I never saw the reception venue.  It didn't really matter to me as long as the reception was fairly small (since neither Kevin nor I enjoy being in a crowd) and all our immediate family members were there.  There was no DJ and no dancing (except for when we were forced for the sake of a couple photos) because that's just not our style.  It was low-budget, and simple, and not at all showy, and easily the most memorable wedding I've ever been to, and I'm not just saying that because it was my own.  It was different and totally special for lack of frills. 

As for being married?  I think we were already there when we first moved in together.  After coming home from our outrageously amazing honeymoon in Disney World, it was business as usual.  Although it took some getting used to, I'm finally in the habit of calling Kevin "husband" and it's a title that utterly suits him.  I'm also very amused each time he refers to me as "my wife" when speaking to someone over the phone or introducing me.  Do I regret not doing it sooner?  Certainly not.  Everything happens in its own time.  I'm just very happy that the time came and there is time yet to look forward to.  Sappy sappy sappy.... but true.